Right where you belong
by mancaal
Summary: Casey's reflections on Alex going back to Olivia's arms. One-shot. Femslash. Casey/Alex, mentions of Alex/Olivia.


This is my second story, hope you all like it. R&R

I think maybe Casey is a little OOC but give it a try.

Disclaimer: I don't own Law & Order SVU, neither its characters.

LOASVULOASVULOASVU

It was a cloudy rainy day in New York City, thunderclaps could be heard at the distance, and once in a while a bolt or two would strike at the buildings' lightning rods and antennas, the sunrays were trapped above the clouds, and the city was submerged into a dark afternoon; however for some people the sun was shining most than ever, but to other people there wasn't even a light.

The rain was falling hard on top of her blue umbrella, and somehow the streets seemed a little empty, that was something hard in Manhattan, even when it's raining, tons of persons crow the streets, but today all was different, maybe she was detached from reality or perhaps she just didn't want to face it, whatever the case was, she was shocked, but worst of all she didn't know whether it was good or bad; Casey Novak felt stranded, and right now her only companions were the drops coming from the sky.

That day earlier when she was leaving the deli just after having lunch there, something caught her attention, she saw her girlfriend _"Now EXGIRLFRIEND"_, holding someone else's hand; she only got to saw a glimpseas they turned around the corner, so she decided to follow her and ask for some explanations.

Nonetheless that determination that she showed only a moment ago faded away when she was about to reach them, there only a few meters away from her Alexandra Cabot was kissing with someone else, but this time Casey could perfectly saw the other woman's face; standing with grace and elegance, stood a fairly old yet beautiful brunette detective, _"Olivia Benson"_.

The red head stopped death in her tracks, not daring to come closer, not wanting to know what she was capable of in that state, she just stood there for a few more minutes watching them leave, giggling and cuddling into each other, enjoying, caressing, kissing, hugging, liking, loving. She was brought back to reality when someone pushed her, maybe for her everything stopped for a moment, but truth was that the world is still going.

After that happened, she couldn't bring herself to go back to the office, and thankfully she hadn't to attend any court case; so she called in sick and took the rest of the day; and that brought her to the distracted state she was in right now.

She had been walking aimlessly for almost an hour ending at Central Park, and now her feet exhausted from the long trek on high heels demanded some rest, so she just went to sit on a bench, but for a minute she forgot about the rain and when she sat, she felt the water dampening her gabardine coat, it seemed as if they could only get worse.

Once seated, the physical and emotional exhaustion overcame her so she decided to stay there, she was already damp, and besides she is too lazy to look for a dry bench and on a park that is a bit of a hard task; however she was still in her emotional trance, not knowing of what to think or what to do, but sooner or later she would have to take some decisions, and she better hurry up.

When she was about to leave, she watch a couple of kids playing in the puddles of water, they were two little girls throwing splashing and sprinkling water to each other, having a good time but giving their mother a hard time trying to catch them, it was almost an idyllic scene; however it snapped something within Casey, she remembered how sometimes she and Alex would talk about having kids, adoption or artificial insemination, boys for Alex, girls for Casey; anyways it always ended with they both laughing. She loved to laugh but she loved even more watch the blonde laughing, so she would try to make her laugh even more, tickling her or telling her some stupid but effective jokes; all those silly yet meaningful moments meant the world to her right until that afternoon.

One memory led to another one, and soon the attorney was recalling her relationship with Alex, from the least important things to the most significant moments they shared together.

She thought about all the time they fought about the clothes they wore at court, how always Casey defended her flamboyant choice of colors and Alex would reply that jurors may put her in jail rather than the defendants because of her interesting pallete; some other times they would chat about how many of their objections were sustained or over ruled; on some rare occasions when advice was needed they would even discuss some of their cases; however that change, suddenly Casey lost her job and Alex wasn't even doing what she liked on appeals, but once again they surpassed those obstacles together, and Casey felt blessed for having Alex.

For the red head, their relationship meant so much, every time she looked at Alex she felt protected and safe, she know she could count with Alex, but above anything else she trusted her, the same way Alex trusted her years ago when she came out of witness protection, and told no one but her about that.

It was that same trust what make them take a step further and get _involved _with each other, and once they were in that road, they decided to go all the way together, nevertheless that road had come to an end just a few hours ago, or at least it was for Casey; but doubts still filled her mind, all those tender memories, all the soft kisses, and of course the sweetest love making; she could still feel the paths Alex had carved in her skin with her lips and hands, and also the print that the blonde had left in her heart; to Casey it was almost impossible that this was happening to them, rather it already happened.

During the time they were together, nothing had ever make Casey doubt about the other ADA's feelings, of course they weren't _an out of the closet_ couple but it had worked for them, or at least she had thought that, Alex never said something and when they were out both would look for the way to express their fondness, maybe caressing with their feet under the restaurant table or just a simple yet powerful gaze; however that was in the past, and right now Casey started wondering what went wrong, or more precisely what she did wrong.

On her time at SVU, she heard a couple of times a rumor about Olivia being gay, she never paid attention to that kind of things, in the precinct all sort of gossips could be heard, from monkeys hidden in the basement to people being gay, so there wasn't even point in thinking about those comments, besides Olivia was her friend and if she was really lesbian she would hear it from her not from someone else, and after all if that was true she had always thought that it's Olivia's decision whether telling something at all or not. But that afternoon she had found that out the hard way, how ironic.

She wanted to feel bad, betrayed by the woman she loved and the friend she trusted, however something kept her off from it, she couldn't tell what it was, maybe she wasn't sure about what she saw, or perhaps she wasn't ready to let go Alex; but the only truth was that she was alone now.

She had always liked to think that loneliness wasn't a bad thing, it allows to find one's inner self and it also provided some time to spend on sports, literature or whatever hobby one would like or prefer, but right now sitting in the park, under the rain, whit her coat and skirt damped by the water, her girlfriend had dumped her without even saying goodbye; she couldn't help it but she was feeling like a complete loser, well at least she had won on court all month long.

It was almost as if the world was crashing down over Casey's head, and considering the non-stopping rain it was almost as if the sky was literally coming down on her; for anyone else it would seem as a crappy day, nevertheless she had always had a very particular virtue; she was able to see the bright side to any situation, or at least her mom had tell her that since she was a toddler, and right now it was time to bring a little sunshine into her day despite the weather, but mostly despite Alex and Olivia.

She know that she would have to start over again, over her memories and her now frustrated dreams and goals with the blonde, however it wouldn't be the first time she had done it, and surely it wouldn't be the last time; of course she would be grieving over Alex, and the cheating, but it would eventually fade into forgiveness; nonetheless there would still be life after that, and to be capable of get to that she would have to face reality first.

All of these ideas sounded great inside her head, but something inside her heart wouldn't allow her to go for that, so simply go away from Alex, a part of her still begged for the blonde's affection, all of her caresses and kisses; this caused a fight between her reasons and her wishes, and there was no clear winner, now she knew she wouldn't be happy with Alex even if the latter choose to stay with her, yet she still wanted to be with her, she wished to touch her, kiss her, and make love to her.

At the moment she was capable of forgiving Alex without even asking why, but on the long term she knew she would always compare herself to Olivia, and even if she was a great athlete and a very smart and clever person, she know she would undoubtedly lose that challenge, and since she was calling it a challenge it couldn't be called love anymore; because for Casey love had never been a competition.

It would seem almost pathetic to have all this kind of random thought and ideas; however she started to feel that she was slowly coming to an end, maybe not a definitive answer or solution, but at least something to make it through the day; suddenly a different way of thinking tickled her mind, perhaps she should stop thinking a about her, and have a thought about the other women's feelings.

It was all clear now, Olivia was obviously gay and either Alex was, so it wasn't misbegotten to think that maybe they shared something together a lot of time ago, when Casey wasn't even into the scene; and now that Alex had got back to SVU, it was only a matter of time for they to took off their relationship where they had left it when Alex was shot.

Furthermore she started to think that maybe she was the _X factor_ that brought the attorney and the detective together one more time, and matter of fact it didn't bother her, on the contrary she liked the idea that she somehow help them to found their lost love again

However she still felt that Alex failed on her, she had cheated on her and only God knew for how long, and that was what truly bothered her, if her blue-eyed partner didn't love her anymore it would have been better to know it by herself, of course it would have hurt, but eventually she would understand, and just move over her; nevertheless it all had come down to this, she seated on a bench at the park, wet and confused.

She resisted to accept that everything had ended without even talking with Alex, but if the latter had cared she would had say something some time ago, or maybe she just didn't want to cause pain to Casey; all her thoughts were being formulated on the same way, action and reaction, pro and cons, happiness and pain; if she continued like that she would die without coming to any kind of closure, it seemed as if the answers she was looking for would never appear; however great ideas come from unexpected places, and she was about to find it out.

In a moment the rain suddenly came to an end, and it was that simple yet powerful moment what Casey needed to find the answer to her dilemma; when the water drops stopped falling from the sky, the park was filled with a solemn silence, every single thing was in the right place, the leaves were covered with the sprinkle of water, the trees were swaying quietly to the will of the blowing wind, and finally the clouds were starting to go away; no mattering how hard was the storm over the past days it was now going away, leaving behind a damped yet shiny and gorgeous NYC.

Casey was amazed looking at the _miracle_ taking place around her, and it was in that brief moment when she at least found her answer, it was almost as if not only the storm was fading away but also the chaos inside her head; not only the sun started shining again but also her mind worked properly once again.

She knew it wouldn't be over in a blink of an eye, it would take some time for her to assimilate what had happened with Alex, she just couldn't continue clinging to her; right now she was gone, starting over again with the woman she had never stopped loving, Olivia; she had wanted to felt broken and backstabbed, but she couldn't, at most she was bewildered for not understanding why Alex never mentioned something about the brunette, she had always been free to love whoever she wanted, but now she left without even saying goodbye.

It was a strange feeling, the sun was shining again an so was Casey's smile, because deep down she knew Alex was right where she had always belonged, by Olivia's side; and as rough as she had always been she still had a soft spot for those two, maybe they weren't going to be friends anymore, however she wished them happiness and love, and right now it was the time for her to do the same.

She walked out from the park, out from the peace and calmness it always offers to her, back to the city with its noise and fast pace; walking amongst its people and their experiences; being only one more of those endless stories.

And just as she was closing a chapter of her life, somewhere else in Manhattan brown and blue met, starting a new chapter in the story they left unfinished years ago.


End file.
